seems to lose all meaning in life. don't see a point why i'm awake again. why i waited for shannen to give me an answer. because actually i was hoping he'll tell me that he won't leave me like he used to tell me. he'll be with me. and not that a no. i don want his replies to be a no. hais. i was crying eating my breakfast. hais. shannen i don't want a no. can you give me a yes. feel so helpless. i can no longer take care of him, look after him, cherish him, love him like i used to do. can i? hais.
i know forcing will not bring happiness. but don't force yourself to. just let it be nature that you love me.
